There are exactly 15 things I'd rather be doing today than writing this column. Of these 15 things, I'm pretty sure about four are illegal in some small, foreign country somewhere. Seven would probably have no lasting effects on society, whereas three would be tantamount to instant infamy or at least a decent spot on the local news at noon.
My one remaining wish is this, to safely neglect my phone for one God-given day without stabbing pains of guilt. BellSouth has me dangling like Pavlov's dog and I have the phone bills to back that up. (P.S. Mom, send more phone cards.)
It wouldn't matter if I were up to my elbows in dish suds, a cold beer and a raunchy "Rent" rock ballad, the forces of nature would bend, if necessary, to allow me to answer that piercing wail of my plastic dial tone darling.
I have been known to dash past open windows clutching a hand towel in strategic places to pick up a wrong number or telemarketer.