Wait, before rushing off to the computer or, if you're reading this on the Web site, rushing off this page, take a moment to enjoy some Old School Lizany. Here are some of my favorite entries from the blog that started it all three years ago:
Why can't life be a beach?, October 2003
In Liz's world, the federal government would give poor, working stiffs (like Liz) free trips to Mexico.
Recently countries pledged their support to Iraq. The rich gave money. The poor gave commodities like rice. Iran promised to send tourists to Iraq to spend money. What a great idea.
I propose the following amendment to NAFTA. The governments of Mexico, Canada and the United States offer free transportation to the other countries for its working middle class.
Sure, I can spare $200 to shop in Oaxaca. But I can't afford to fly down there and I can't afford the time off to drive there.
Think of the Friday afternoon conversations 'round the office. Where you headed this weekend? I thought I'd head to Toronto and pick up some maple candy for the kids. Me, I'm going down to Cozumel. I've had a hankering for coconut shrimp on the beach.
Stories From Haiti, January 2004
Steve Runyon, Bruce Thompson, Boyle County Jailer Barry Harmon and I went to Black Mountain Number One for evening services Thursday. After several songs a deacon invited Harmon to sing. I jumped up beside him.
"Do you know what you're doing?" he said.
"No," I said.
In French I told the group gathered, "Bon soir, Bon Dieu Bon Tu Tas," which means good evening and God is good all the time. My French is OK, and my Creole is less than OK so the people only kind of understood. But, it drew a few laughs.
Harmon told me to sing "Amazing Grace," a song he figures that everybody knows. Well, everybody, but me. I sang bass. I sang soprano. I sang so badly that Harmon said he considered stopping mid-note so I would be left singing by myself.
Then he started the second verse. Guess what? I don't know the second verse of Amazing Grace. When we finished, I told Pastor Sanousse that Harmon was brave for singing with me.
Next time, we'll practice.
Would It Be Called The Late Show With President Letterman?, May 2004
Brenda Edwards relayed this little gem about the election last night:
An older woman came out of the election booth wondering why they're letting that (David) Letterman run for office.
Yeah, everybody knows that Conan O'Brien deserves to be president way more.
Apparently she got confused when she saw the button for Joe Lieberman.
I'm a turkey, April 2005
Ever feel like your job is for the birds? This morning I took a call from a man on Highfield, who said he spied a wild turkey in a tree on Main Street.
I drove up and down Main Street looking up toward the sky, and once I even thought I heard the thing gobble. But, I came back to the office empty-handed saying that the only turkey I really saw on Main Street was me.
Hurricane Rita: Meri, September 2005
My sister, Meri, called last night. She is staying with a friend-of-a-friend in Houston.
The house Meri was living in is just a slab, so is the gas station she's been working at for the past two years.
She doesn't know this because she saw it. She has to take the word of the sheriff deputy who stopped her from going home.
She said the deputy told her there was nothing but dead cows and horses left, and that the alligators were busy feasting on the carnage.
Meri lives in Cameron, La. It's more of a spot than a city. There is Cameron Parish, and then there is a small area with a stoplight that I've always referred to as Cameron proper.
There aren't really any towns in the parish, there are more like spots.
The national media has been calling it a town. It's odd that that the world upgraded Cameron to a town because it's been flattened so badly that it doesn't really exist anymore.
Liz Maples is a staff writer for The Advocate when she's not writing for the Web.