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Domestic violence shouldn't be tolerated

October 17, 2007|Nancy White

I have made a new friend. Even though she is all the way across the United States and lives on the west coast, we have so much in common. She was also a victim of domestic violence.

Women who are abused are not faceless strangers; they are our neighbors, friends, co-workers, and relatives. Women who are abused come from all economic backgrounds, race and age. This serious crime knows no boundaries. These women hide the fact that they are living in an impossible situation because they are too terrified or ashamed to reach out for help.

Domestic abuse is another of society's dirty laundry issues, it exists but people don't want to recognize its existence. Women are victims in 85 percent of domestic violence crimes. Domestic violence can also include crimes against children, the elderly and men living in the home.

Domestic violence is something that is in our newspapers and on our local news stations daily. It kills and maims women for the rest of their lives, either physically or emotionally. Even if they manage to get away from their abusers it will haunt them for the rest of their lives. They never really heal emotionally; the victim will always have those painful memories. And sometimes they are left with physical problems after the abuse, constant reminders of the violent past they en-dured.

Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, stalking, controlling a woman's every move or demeaning her in some way. Controlling when she can go to sleep, what to wear, who to talk to, money, the list goes on. The abuser wants to control every minute of every day of her life. The abuser's goal is to beat the victim down emotionally and physically until she is a lifeless and emotionless puppet.

Some battered women say that the bruises of physical abuse eventually go away, where the trauma of verbal abuse never does. If they had a choice they would prefer physical over mental abuse. There shouldn't have to be a choice, it is all a form of sick and perverted actions.

Some victims eventually kill the abuser and then may spend time in a penal institution. Prison is not the way to go, don't let the abuser take away the rest of your life, especially if children are involved. Those children will also have deep emotional scars for the rest of their lives, they need their mother. But in order for their mother to be there for them she needs to get as far away from the abuser as possible. She needs to get help in becoming a whole person again.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month; I didn't realize this until after I decided to write my opinion column on abuse. I guess it is a very appropriate subject since this is October.

Domestic violence statistics are staggering; one in three women will be abused in her lifetime. It is an ongoing problem, one that has continued to escalate over the years. Women and children lose their lives to abusers and occasionally a law enforcement office who responds to a domestic violence call will lose their life.

Getting out of a violent situation can be terrifying. There is help and support for women in abusive relationships and resources available when it's time to break free. It is very important that a safety plan be put into place, precautions to head off the abuser. You deserve a safe environment to live in when the decision is made to escape from the abuser.

Kentucky has a resourceful Web site for more information and where to get help, www.kdva.org. The crisis line for Jessamine County is (800) 656-HOPE (4673). You can also call the Crime Victim's Advocate at the Jessamine County Sheriff's Office (859) 885-9112.

These people are understanding and will help.

They do not judge you.

You are not alone, reach out for help.

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