I've also been somewhat stymied by the "spend more to save more" philosophy. I've never come to grips with the idea that it's a good thing to spend $20 on a gallon of olive oil, use half of it, and throw the rest away when it turns rancid. It must be the new math. Although I must say that it's been years since I've run out of toilet paper.
Bargain shoppers are easily addicted to Sam's. My husband sometimes shopped aisle by aisle. This was strange, because trips to the mall caused his eyes to glaze over and his shoulders to droop unnaturally. Fatigue set in at Macy's, but just the idea of a jaunt to Sam's was like a shot of caffeine.
The highlight of the trip was always the scratch-and-dent section. Many a treasure made its way into our home that way. I know that some eventually ended up in yard sales, but they were surely bargains to begin with!
So, I'll gladly give some advice to spouses of Sam's addicts, those of us who were secretly happy that the nearest club was far enough away to provide a mild deterrent, especially when gas was nearly $4 a gallon.
First, build in some extra storage space. Outbuildings are conveniently sold on U.S. 27 near the new Sam's location, which could be providential.
If you have no idea where you would store that gallon of olive oil until it's completely used up, you'd better start planning.
Next, make some new friends. You're going to need them when you divide up the spoils. Case-happy spouses can be urged to be very generous, especially when you make that certain face, use that certain tone, and ask, "Now where are we going to put that?"
It's also a good idea to visit the beauty salon. Sam's clerks used to take a second look at me just to be sure I was the same person pictured on my ID card. A better hairdo might have helped me look a little less like the female alter-ego of Albert Einstein.
A week ago, the earth-shattering news was announced to me in the same tone a gambler might use when he learned a casino was coming to town.
"Construction is starting ... let's go see." My daughter groaned in the back seat, her 19-year-old wealth of experience feeding her weary sigh.
Honestly, I think my husband was planning where to park. I half expect to see check marks on the calendar, counting down the days.
The only fly in the ointment for my husband is the projected opening in June 2010. How can we be expected to wait that long?