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Red Shoe Report: Final thoughts before a wedding

May 11, 2012|By Rachel Parsons | The Winchester Sun

I recently met a couple that had been married for more than 50 years. I thought they must be doing something right, so I asked the wife for some advice.

“You know,” she said, “in 50 years, I never once considered divorce. I considered murder, but I never considered divorce.”

People keep telling me being married is hard.

I don’t doubt that. I thought there were times when being engaged was hard. You will probably not be terribly surprised to learn that sometimes I get on Brandon’s nerves. Sometimes he annoys me — I say he takes things too seriously, he thinks I don’t take things seriously enough, and then I write about it for the newspaper.

But really, when did anything in life that’s worth having come easily? By the time you read this column, my marriage will most likely be about five minutes old, so I can’t really say for certain what it will be like. What I can say is that, if being married to Brandon means I have to learn to work a little harder or be a little more patient, or, heaven forbid, learn to take things more seriously, then it’s what I have to do.

A few weeks ago, Brandon and I went to a marriage class at a local church. One of the teachers said something that really stood out to me: At the end of the day, we’re all inherently selfish people. Some are less selfish than others, but it’s hard for anyone to see beyond themselves. Marriage, he said, does not exist to make us happy, it exists to make us holy, to draw us closer to God and to reflect His glory.

When I was growing up, I remember thinking about wearing a beautiful dress and being the center of attention. Even when I first became engaged, at 27 years old, I thought about what I was going to get out of being married — someone who thought I was great, who affirmed everything I did and made me happy all the time.

Then God intervened. How can my marriage reflect the goodness of the Lord, His loyalty and His sacrificial love if I am constantly thinking about myself?

Unfortunately, I am really, really good at thinking about myself. But God never calls us to something we are unequipped for. I am humbled by the commitment we are making today, and by the responsibilities God has given us. I know we are going to fall short at times, probably on a daily basis. My prayer is that we will continue to learn, and to do it better the next time.

Thanks to everyone who shared advice, who prayed for us and helped us in countless ways. Now it’s time to begin the rest of our lives.

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